Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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