He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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