I'm going to jail i love you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
