sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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