My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
