I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
