i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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