Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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