we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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