She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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