She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
