there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
