I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
