Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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