My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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