the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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