I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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