This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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