"it" just moved
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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