Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
do nipples grow back?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize