I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize