I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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