i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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