No stitches, just platelets and will power
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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