I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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