I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
