she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
