i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
