Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize