I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
