can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
