I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
