Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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