Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize