I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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