hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
