whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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