I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize