My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
