I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
