yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
