I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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