i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
