I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
