I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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