I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
