How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
