Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize