One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
