I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
