Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
