I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
