my mouth tastes like poor choices
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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