accomplished twins. life is a go
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
foreskin is a definite game changer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
