ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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