I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
