see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
