I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
