My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
