my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize