Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
