How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
