you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
